how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
