using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
