oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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