loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
