Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
