if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
