Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
