Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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