id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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