So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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