Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize