apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
