oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
