What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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