Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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