God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
try to milk me bitch
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