In America we eat man semen.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize