you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drake has all the answers
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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