I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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