She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
