...so i touched it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
