You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
