Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
