Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
