I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
