I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
