we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
