Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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