My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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