so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I would ride that face into the sunset
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
