I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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