Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
