i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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