i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
