Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
