My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
