shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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