Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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