it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
