my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
