Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
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Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Please don't give away my fajitas
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