one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
