she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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