Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
