dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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