I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
