My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you mean i was at the winter classic?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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