Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
