You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
