Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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