Pregnant stripper...not hot.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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