Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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