This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
