chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
