I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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