So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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