even my farts smell like vagina
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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