Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
