guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
