Betty ford says i'm here all night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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