He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I believe in your delicious
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
