Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
