i don't like sucking hair
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
